Dearest McDrake, I have a slight problem. I have been dating this blond bird for several months and we have recently moved into the same flat. She is smokin hot right, but she never dresses as she should. Last week, we were supposed to meet my parents for the first time, but she insisted on wearing a spaghetti strap top with no bra and a short skirt with no underwear. I told her this wasn’t appropriate attire to wear when meeting my parents, this started a fight, and we ended up not going. I don’t know what to do, she dresses like this everywhere she goes. – Embarrassed in Essex (continue reading…)

You know what we’ve been missing here at drakegta.com? Talent, well, talent, and an advice columnist. So in order to fill this gap, we have recruited the most sought after advise columnist on the face of the earth, a man sought after by authorities in twenty-eight states and four municipalities, Old Man McDrake. Old Man McDrake is a wise and wizened old man, full of wisdom. Because we realize that the vast majority of people are mindless sheep, who can’t make decisions for themselves, we now offer that service for you.

Old Man McDrake will be doing our new columns, “AOMM: Ask Old Man McDrake” “WWOMMDD?: What Would Old Man McDrake Do (while) Drunk?“, and “WYHT?: Would You Hit That?”

If you have an inquery for Old Man McDrake, feel free ask in the comments, or to drop us a line.

If there are two things that El Drako respects in life, it’s burritos, and Lucha Libre, however, there is one kind of person who El Drako respects most of all, Los Poquito Lucha Libres (Midget Mexican Wrestlers.) The Midget is the most noble of all God’s creations, for no other creature packs so much pride and nobility into such a small body. Yes, when you do the math, the Midget Wrestler is pound per pound, the most awesome being alive. (continue reading…)

Hey, they took another one of my Six Word Stories.

Jackson dead; Culkin unavailable for comment.

You have to respect a guy who’s ads were so clever, that he could interrupt our favorite TV shows screaming like a mad man about products that never worked like they were supposed to anyways, and yet, we let that slide and he became a minor celebrity. You like conspiracy theories? Well, you heard it here first. (continue reading…)

You have to respect a guy who’s music was so good, he could turn himself into a white woman, take that Home Alone kid to “Never Never Land,” and dangle his children off of a balcony, and yet, we let all that slide. You like conspiracy theories? Well, you heard it here first. (continue reading…)

Hey pizanos, it’s the Big Don Drakoni Super Show, hosted by me, Raphael Michael Jason Cornelius Drakoni of Roseto the third; your host. I want to share a story with you, a regular Greek tragedy, and I’m not talking about the movie Troy. I’m talking about an unfortunate girl named Kimberley Vlaminck, who feel asleep, and woke up with fifty-six stars tattooed on her face, just like sleeping beauty, but without the princess, or the prince, and with a tattoo gun. (continue reading…)

I have created a simple guide to being awesome, and becoming internet famous. There may be other ways of doing this, but this is what worked for me.

Step One: Read this guide, no one has ever become internet famous or awesome without first reading this guide. (continue reading…)

Hey, just wanted to brag, a couple of my submissions were accepted by “Six Word Stories.”

Paralytic worked fast. Intubation too slow.

Identity thief got loans I couldn’t.
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So I like to keep up-to-date on the world of pop-culture. I couldn’t help but notice the other day when Jay-Z called out the so called “Auto-Tune” rappers with his new single, “D.O.A. (Death of Auto-Tune).” Most interestingly, the track was produced by Kanye West, who gave us an entire album done in auto-tune. (continue reading…)