I’ve heard of cutting off your nose to spite your face, but this is ridiculous. Apparently a “jilted” teenager cut off his penis to spite his girlfriend when he found out that she was about to marry another guy. Yea, that’ll show her buddy.

Bloody amateurs! Vengeance is best served cold. If I were giving advice to that Indonesian boy, I would have told him to do this… (continue reading…)

So I’ve been following this story right? No, let me rephrase that, I’ve been trying to follow this story, but modern news sources refuse to do follow-ups unless the story is about a stupid white chick doing something stupid to mess up her own life… In which case, that’s the only story you’re going to hear about for the next six months…

I’m actually much too lazy to make an image collage right now, but you get my point. (continue reading…)

So, let’s suppose, just hypothetically, that you’re a Canadian Alma Mater Society. Now, let’s suppose you’re both Canadian, and you want to do some charitable work. Being the noble off-spring of mounties, fur trappers, and wolverines, you’ve chosen to donate money to a foodbank, by holding an athletic contest. The nature of the contest? Well, nothing says good clean Canadian fun like an Inflatable Sumo Suit Competition. (continue reading…)

Hey, they took another one of my Six Word Stories…

Putin deflects asteroid… …directly into Washington.

So have you heard about this shit? This is what happens when I stop posting for a couple of weeks. We’re talking about a group of people calling themselves “Juggalos” going around, whilin’ out, lopping heads off with battle axes and bludgeoning people to death with baseball bats. The streets are flowing red with the blood of innocents, and the walls are painted in clown make up. Surely, the end is near.

Intrigued, Douchy Douchebaggerton, Investigative reporter for ABCs news, has launched a full scale investigation. Here are just a few of the facts he has uncovered… (and original video) (continue reading…)

Old Man McDrake, I am a recent convert to the vegan lifestyle, and people keep giving me crap. When I eat with family, they make fun of me. When I eat out in public, all the waiters and cooks look at me funny when I ask for vegan versions of my meals. What kind of advice do you have to for me? Maybe something witty I could tell them?
Vegan in Virginia (continue reading…)

Regular readers of drakegta.com (both of you) remember that we sometimes, occasionally, rarely, give out an award. This award, is an award so prestigious that not one of the Nobel Laureates has ever been cool enough to even qualify for consideration. Let me explain, this award I’m talking about, the only guy in history, up to this point, who might be cool enough to almost qualify for this was Charlie Mopps, the guy who invented beer, and he was disqualified because he didn’t ride a flaming hover-board from the future. This seal is reserved for persons, places, and things, so mind-blowingly, earth-shatteringly, life-changingly, wickedly-awesome that to stand in their presence is be forced to write flowery, melodramatic praises and acclimations on your webpage. Since we already gave one to Jim Beam Red Stag, the only other thing awesome enough to win this award right now is: John Dies at the End by David Wong.

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This will be another regular feature here on drakegta.com. We’re calling it: “OMFG We’re All Gonna Die.” The basic premise of “OMFG We’re All Gonna Die” is that we will present you with an interesting news item, and then explain why it’s time to put your head between your legs and kiss your sorry ass good-bye. Like all “regular features” on drakegta.com, it will probably be done once or twice, and we’ll stop doing it, because we don’t actually give a crap anymore. (continue reading…)

The following is a letter I received a while back regarding Darian Rake’s multiple posts on David Cross and my reply. I rarely reply to these type of letters, but I thought this one deserved special attention.

Tyler wrote:
I read the David Cross article, and I am going to have to ask you to fire the writer. I am not going to sit here and nitpick the article, because I am not a dick and I basically stopped reading when the author cited Cross being most famous for Arrested Development. I stopped reading because I actually had to stop and think of who the hell you were referring to, then upon solving that mystery, I was angered by the fact that you had completely dismissed Mr.Show. I didn’t read the rest of the article, but I skimmed over it seeing a paragraph of attempted humor aimed at Larry the Cable Guy. Then I saw you cite webcomics as intellectual humor(Now here’s where I took offense, retard who wrote the article. You call out David Cross for his “faux-intellectual liberal” humor, and then turn around and cite WEBCOMICS). This right here proves that you have a author that doesn’t get out much besides what they manage to read on the internet. Another thing in the article is the author generalizes two populations of people, and then places himself above them. Does the author has aspergers?

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So I’m trying something new. I joined a social ranting site called WriteBite. I’m posting my rant here, and on WriteBite, and we’ll see what happens. You could go vote for my rant if you wanted.

I work at a hospital, so I get to hear people’s opinions on healthcare reform everyday. I watch the news, I read the articles, I’ve even skimmed some of the proposed legislation. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert, but I would say I’m about as qualified to have an opinion as anyone else; by which I mean, not qualified at all. That’s why I don’t write about this kind of thing, because everyone has diarrhea of the mouth, talking crap that they don’t understand at rapid speed and the last thing I want to do is add noise and confusion to the noise and confusion. (continue reading…)