You know, I used to be funny; I used to tell jokes that would make men respect me, and women lose enough respect for themselves to sleep with me. In fact, I once told a joke so funny that one reader literally busted a gut and had to have stitches. Get it, I left him in stitches? See, I told you I’m not funny anymore. The question is why? Have I contracted a neurological disorder that has damaged my humour lobe? Do I have osteomyelitis of the funny bone? (continue reading…)

Mr. McDrake, I had an interesting experience, on a recent trip to Carlsbad Caverns, something happened in the hotel. I got up early, and ran down to get the free continental breakfast, and I lined up to get a waffle, because frankly, waffles are the shit. I started a waffle cooking, and before it finished, my five-year-old kid took off running out of the room (the way five-year-olds are known to do.) I chase her down, and by the time I come back, some asshole hipster with a “Bullet for My Valentine” tee-shirt is guarding my waffle and has decided it’s his. So I wait, being the nice guy that I am, and when my waffle finishes, he puts it on a plate for himself, and starts cooking another, also for himself. Him and his hipster girlfriend (in a Ramones shirt) eat about four waffles a piece, guarding the waffle maker so no one else can get any, and then cook about six more waffles that they take with them when they leave. Long story short, I didn’t get a waffle, and I left pissed off and hungry. What would you have done?
Darrian rake (continue reading…)

Here is a photo of the most interesting thing that my family and I found on our recent trip to Carlsbad Caverns and Living Desert State Park Zoo and Gardens. It seems they are now running storage unit specials aimed at World of Warcraft players and Forum Trolls.

Oh, I almost forgot to mention, I had my arm chewed off by a giant free-tailed Mexican cave bat.

Feel free to make fun of my man titties in the comment section.

So, it haven’t done a classic ‘rant’ in a while. The major reason for that is I’ve been pretty mellowed out the last few years, and nothing seems to piss me off that much. (The Drake Abides.) That is, until today. I often choose to peruse the news (triple rhyme score +15), and today I ran across an interesting article called: “Alumna sues college because she hasn’t found a job.” Now I’m not going to lie, I clicked the article thinking: “Hell, if that works I’m getting a degree in underwater basket weaving.” (continue reading…)