So picture this, it’s young Kimberley’s eighteenth birthday, and her dad, being the cool guy that he is, agrees to let his daughter get a tattoo, because it’s family tradition. Well, Kimberley is so excited by the prospect of getting her first tattoo, that as soon as the needle touches her skin, she falls asleep. Dear ol’ dad is waiting outside eating ice cream, while sleeping Kimberley gets her pretty face violated by a big burley tattoo artist, fifty-six times. Kimberley woke up only when the tattooist was inking her nose, that one tattoo somehow being more painful then the other fifty-five. She goes outside, and sees that her dad is none too happy about the facial tramp stamps. The two return inside and refuse to pay for their ink work; on the basis that Kimberley didn’t want fifty-six stars on her face, only three, which means that she has fifty-three too many. Poor Kimberley’s life is ruined, because, with only three facial tattoos her future would have been wide open, but with fifty-six stars on her face, she is doomed to live on the street and eat out of garbage cans, a social pariah.

Kimberley Vlaminck with Stars
Source:telegraph.co.uk

One has to look at the facts here. We have a girl claiming that she fell asleep and got tattoos on her face she that never asked for. Then we have a tattoo artist claiming she was wide awake and loved her tattoos until her dad saw them.

Obviously someone is lying, and it’s obviously the tattoo guy. Think about it, who stands to gain something here? The girl lying would hurt her reputation, as an honest upstanding citizen who goes into a tattoo joint for a facial tattoo while stone drunk. No, the only one who had anything to gain from this was the burly tattoo stud, who obviously had evil intentions. If this girl has a face covered in facial tattoos, it severely limits the number of places she can work, in fact, it limits it to one, at a tattoo parlor. That’s it, this crazy tattoo bastard (Rouslan Toumaniantz,) must have thought if he inked on her face, she would have to work in his shop, and slowly fall in love with and marry him, like Harry met Sally, but less romantic, and with more drunken beatings. It’s the only logical explanation.

Rouslan Toumaniantz, you are a twisted fuck, leaving your ink all over that young lady’s face. Kimberley Vlaminck, you are a real winner, shine on you crazy star.

Rouslan Toumaniantz
Source: dailymail.co.uk

Also of note, is this wonderful quote: “Jules Clocher, a Belgian psychologist, said: ‘The trauma this girl must be feeling is indescribable. She feels like a circus freak – and no wonder, because she looks like one.’” Oh snap, health professional burn!

I continue to read the news, against the advice of my physician concerning my high blood pressure. I was reading something interesting today about copyright infringement. Now, I and copyright infringement go back quite a long ways, ever since I wrote my first report in grade school: “We choose to go to the moon.” Anyway, let’s just say, I know to call a spade a spade, because when I see a bird that walks like a duck, and swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, I call that bird a duck.

But I also know when something isn’t copyright infringement. I’ll tell you what isn’t copyright infringement, when you have your domain point another site. Now, I know what you’re thinking: “No shit Big Don Drakoni, everyone knows that.” Well, don’t even think that way about me, I’ll smack your face off and use it to degrease my engine.

That’s where you would be mistaken. It turns out that Sara Palin, or more correctly, the lawyers who represent her and the attorney general of Alaska, do not. See, way back in 2008, Shu Latif, who looks like a smelly pirate hooker from whore island to me, took her domain, crackho.com, and redirected it to point to Sarah Palin’s official website.

Now, I think that’s all harmless fun and games, even if I think of Sara less as crack ho, and more as a realdoll programed with some very rudimentary artificial intelligence system. Anyway, I guess no one noticed until now, because Alaska’s Attorney General Michael Barnhill, just sent Shu a cease-and-desist order.

I know what you’re thinking: “Stop the presses, an attorney in Alaska doesn’t understand the law, guess what, who cares?” Well I say shut the fuck up, I’m trying to tell you a story, and if you interrupt me again, thinking out loud like that, I’m going to pump you so full of holes they’ll think you’re the plot to a new Star Wars prequel. No, it’s something more sinister then that. I think that Mikey Barnhill knows this isn’t a crime, I think Mikey Barnhill is using fear and intimidation to put this Shu lady into a box. I don’t like it, fear and intimidation are my racket.

Good evening. Allow me to make acquaintances with you. My name is Raphael Michael Jason Cornelius Drakoni of Roseto the third, but you can call me Big Don Drakoni, and nothing else if you know what’s good for you. It would be a shame if I had to show you how we deal with disrespect in the old country. I am a man of pride, and honor, and baseball bat beat downs, let’s not forget the beat downs.