DrakeGTA
Profile You’ve read them before, depressing tragedies, pointless dramas, stories where the protagonist learns a lesson in the end. You won’t find any of that here. This is Darian rake, the Good Time Author. You won’t find any of that crap that makes you think to deeply here, it’s all fast times and sweet rides. Why stress your brain worrying about plot and development, DrakeGTA.com is all about action, and drinking, and, well, not much else. So turn your brain off and enjoy. Posts by DrakeGTA:
Seal of Awesomeness: John Dies at the End
by Darian rake on Jan.04, 2010, under Rants
Regular readers of drakegta.com (both of you) remember that we sometimes, occasionally, rarely, give out an award. This award, is an award so prestigious that not one of the Nobel Laureates has ever been cool enough to even qualify for consideration. Let me explain, this award I’m talking about, the only guy in history, up to this point, who might be cool enough to almost qualify for this was Charlie Mopps, the guy who invented beer, and he was disqualified because he didn’t ride a flaming hover-board from the future. This seal is reserved for persons, places, and things, so mind-blowingly, earth-shatteringly, life-changingly, wickedly-awesome that to stand in their presence is be forced to write flowery, melodramatic praises and acclimations on your webpage. Since we already gave one to Jim Beam Red Stag, the only other thing awesome enough to win this award right now is: John Dies at the End by David Wong.
OMFG We’re All Gonna Die: Putin our place
by Darian rake on Dec.31, 2009, under Rants
This will be another regular feature here on drakegta.com. We’re calling it: “OMFG We’re All Gonna Die.” The basic premise of “OMFG We’re All Gonna Die” is that we will present you with an interesting news item, and then explain why it’s time to put your head between your legs and kiss your sorry ass good-bye. Like all “regular features” on drakegta.com, it will probably be done once or twice, and we’ll stop doing it, because we don’t actually give a crap anymore. (continue reading…)
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:99942 Apophis, OMFG We're All Gonna Die, Sarah Palin, Vladimir Putin
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This is why we can’t have nice things
by Darian rake on Dec.15, 2009, under Rants
So I’m trying something new. I joined a social ranting site called WriteBite. I’m posting my rant here, and on WriteBite, and we’ll see what happens. You could go vote for my rant if you wanted.
I work at a hospital, so I get to hear people’s opinions on healthcare reform everyday. I watch the news, I read the articles, I’ve even skimmed some of the proposed legislation. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert, but I would say I’m about as qualified to have an opinion as anyone else; by which I mean, not qualified at all. That’s why I don’t write about this kind of thing, because everyone has diarrhea of the mouth, talking crap that they don’t understand at rapid speed and the last thing I want to do is add noise and confusion to the noise and confusion. (continue reading…)
2 Comments
:healthcare, obama, pharmaceuticals, Robert Creamer, Stand Up Straight, tort reform
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If you knocked your brother down, would you urinate in his mouth?
by Darian rake on Nov.12, 2009, under Rants
So, a teacher in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire is drawing fire for issuing an usual creative writing assignment. Namely, students were asked to respond the question, “If you knocked your brother down, would you urinate in his mouth?” Now, I don’t see what the big hullabaloo is about myself; as far as offensive writing assignments go, I’d rate this five stars, out of one hundred. However, never being one to back down from a challenge, here is my attempt. (continue reading…)
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Yup, David Cross is Still a Dipshit.
by Darian rake on Oct.25, 2009, under Rants
So I’m trying something new. I joined a social ranting site called WriteBite. I’m posting my rant here, and on WriteBite, and we’ll see what happens. You could go vote for my rant if you wanted.
So, a couple of weeks ago I explained how Larry the Cable Guy is a prick, but David Cross is a Dipshit, as it turns out, David Cross is still a dipshit. In his continuing quest to promote his new book, I drink for a reason, ol’ Davy Cross is resorting to bigger and bigger publicity stunts. According to several news sources, David Cross is now bragging about the time he did a bump of coke at a White House Correspondents’ Dinner, in front of the president and a bunch of other people. This is the stupidest publicity stunt that-
Interrupted Again.
(continue reading…)
1 Comment
:coke, David Cross, I Drink for a Reason, Larry the Cable Guy, tim allen
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Talking Rain: Sparking Ice is bottled ass sweat
by Darian rake on Oct.19, 2009, under Rants
So I’m trying something new. I joined a social ranting site today called WriteBite. I’m posting my rant here, and on WriteBite, and we’ll see what happens. You could go vote for my rant if you wanted.
So what’s the sickest thing you ever put in your mouth? Wait, don’t answer that, I don’t want to know. I’ll tell you about the nastiest thing I ever put in my mouth, and I’m not talking about that fat chick with the herpes and the hygiene problems. I’m talking about Talking Rain: Sparking Ice. Listen to the name again, it sounds lovely doesn’t it? Like a good mushroom trip, maybe it’s a drink based on a Native American Vision Quest. (continue reading…)
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:drakegta, drink, Mushrooms, rant, review, Sparking Ice, Talking Rain
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Another Six Word Story
by Darian rake on Oct.10, 2009, under News
Hey, they took another one of my Six Word Stories.
Alcoholic creates fantasy world; lives there.
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:alcholism, Six Word Stories, six word story
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Sure, Larry the Cable Guy is a prick, but David Cross is a Dipshit
by Darian rake on Oct.07, 2009, under Rants
So today, I had the intense displeasure of listening to a new failed viral video for the David Cross book “I Drink for a Reason.” For those of you who are unfamiliar, David Cross as a comedian/actor most famous for his portrayal of “Dr. Tobias Funke” (The Analrapist) on Arrested Development. For those of you really unfamiliar, Larry the Cable Guy is an unfunny comedian/actor most famous for cursing us with Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector and being a regular on the White Trash Comedy Tour. Anyway, this particular viral video was basically David Cross calling out Larry the Cable Guy. (continue reading…)
7 Comments
:David Cross, I Drink for a Reason, Larry the Cable Guy
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The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Ranters
by Darian rake on Sep.21, 2009, under Rants
So I’m an ol’ school ranter; I’ve been keepin’ the streets on beets from sunup to sundown and stayin’ true to da game since a time when Rob Zombie was culturally relevant. I’ve had my mind on my ranting and my ranting on my mind since long before cats started wanting cheeseburgers. Hardly a day goes by that people don’t write me and say “Drake, you’re so awesome, and cool, and sexy; and you totally aren’t a friendless loser trying to act cool on the Internet, what can I do to be more like you?” Well, with that in mind-
Kayne Interrupts Drake On His Own Webpage.
Anyway, here are the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Ranters. (continue reading…)
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:kanye west, Ranting, Rob Zombie
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Seal of Awesomeness: Jim Beam Red Stag
by Darian rake on Sep.01, 2009, under Rants
Those of you familiar with the old Drakegta.com (both of you) will remember my old Seal of Awesomeness. The Drakegta.com Seal of Awesomeness is an award so prestigious, that it’s only been awarded twice in the history of the universe, until now. Gentlemen, and gentlemen pretending to be ladies, let me introduce you to the product that will change your life forever: Jim Beam Red Stag.
Seal of Awesomeness: John Dies at the End
by Darian rake on Jan.04, 2010, under Rants
OMFG We’re All Gonna Die: Putin our place
by Darian rake on Dec.31, 2009, under Rants
This is why we can’t have nice things
by Darian rake on Dec.15, 2009, under Rants
I work at a hospital, so I get to hear people’s opinions on healthcare reform everyday. I watch the news, I read the articles, I’ve even skimmed some of the proposed legislation. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert, but I would say I’m about as qualified to have an opinion as anyone else; by which I mean, not qualified at all. That’s why I don’t write about this kind of thing, because everyone has diarrhea of the mouth, talking crap that they don’t understand at rapid speed and the last thing I want to do is add noise and confusion to the noise and confusion. (continue reading…)
If you knocked your brother down, would you urinate in his mouth?
by Darian rake on Nov.12, 2009, under Rants
So, a teacher in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire is drawing fire for issuing an usual creative writing assignment. Namely, students were asked to respond the question, “If you knocked your brother down, would you urinate in his mouth?” Now, I don’t see what the big hullabaloo is about myself; as far as offensive writing assignments go, I’d rate this five stars, out of one hundred. However, never being one to back down from a challenge, here is my attempt. (continue reading…)
Yup, David Cross is Still a Dipshit.
by Darian rake on Oct.25, 2009, under Rants
So I’m trying something new. I joined a social ranting site called WriteBite. I’m posting my rant here, and on WriteBite, and we’ll see what happens. You could go vote for my rant if you wanted.
Interrupted Again.
Talking Rain: Sparking Ice is bottled ass sweat
by Darian rake on Oct.19, 2009, under Rants
So I’m trying something new. I joined a social ranting site today called WriteBite. I’m posting my rant here, and on WriteBite, and we’ll see what happens. You could go vote for my rant if you wanted.
Another Six Word Story
by Darian rake on Oct.10, 2009, under News
Hey, they took another one of my Six Word Stories.
Alcoholic creates fantasy world; lives there.
Sure, Larry the Cable Guy is a prick, but David Cross is a Dipshit
by Darian rake on Oct.07, 2009, under Rants
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Ranters
by Darian rake on Sep.21, 2009, under Rants
Kayne Interrupts Drake On His Own Webpage.
Anyway, here are the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Ranters. (continue reading…)
Seal of Awesomeness: Jim Beam Red Stag
by Darian rake on Sep.01, 2009, under Rants
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Good Time Authors
Why waste your time reading stuff that makes your head hurt, this is drakegta.com, home of Big Don Drakoni, Darian rake, El Drako, and Old Man McDrake; the Good Time Authors. Think of us like the "Good time girls" of creative writing, sure, you never bring us home to meet your parents, but at least you know you're going to enjoy yourself. Turn your brain off and enjoy; oh, and don't forget to subscribe to our RSS feed..
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