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DrakeGTA

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You’ve read them before, depressing tragedies, pointless dramas, stories where the protagonist learns a lesson in the end. You won’t find any of that here. This is Darian rake, the Good Time Author. You won’t find any of that crap that makes you think to deeply here, it’s all fast times and sweet rides. Why stress your brain worrying about plot and development, DrakeGTA.com is all about action, and drinking, and, well, not much else. So turn your brain off and enjoy.

Posts by DrakeGTA:

I’ve heard of cutting off your nose to spite your face, but…

by Darian rake on May.11, 2010, under Rants

I’ve heard of cutting off your nose to spite your face, but this is ridiculous. Apparently a “jilted” teenager cut off his penis to spite his girlfriend when he found out that she was about to marry another guy. Yea, that’ll show her buddy.

Bloody amateurs! Vengeance is best served cold. If I were giving advice to that Indonesian boy, I would have told him to do this… (continue reading…)

Leave a Comment :dolphin, Indonesia, penis more...

Don’t worry, big brother is here to save you from the dangers of cheese…

by Darian rake on May.03, 2010, under Rants

So I’ve been following this story right? No, let me rephrase that, I’ve been trying to follow this story, but modern news sources refuse to do follow-ups unless the story is about a stupid white chick doing something stupid to mess up her own life… In which case, that’s the only story you’re going to hear about for the next six months…

all the single ladies

I’m actually much too lazy to make an image collage right now, but you get my point. (continue reading…)

Leave a Comment :cheese, Hippy, nanny state, obama, Palin, yuppie more...

Grow an Inflatable Backbone Canada

by Darian rake on Mar.30, 2010, under Rants

So, let’s suppose, just hypothetically, that you’re a Canadian Alma Mater Society. Now, let’s suppose you’re both Canadian, and you want to do some charitable work. Being the noble off-spring of mounties, fur trappers, and wolverines, you’ve chosen to donate money to a foodbank, by holding an athletic contest. The nature of the contest? Well, nothing says good clean Canadian fun like an Inflatable Sumo Suit Competition. (continue reading…)

Leave a Comment :Ireland, Irish, Japan, Liberal, Queen's University, Sumo, Whitey Ford more...

New Six Word Story

by Darian rake on Mar.29, 2010, under News

Hey, they took another one of my Six Word Stories…

Putin deflects asteroid… …directly into Washington.

Leave a Comment :Six Word Stories more...

Axes don’t kill people, Juggalos kill people

by Darian rake on Mar.16, 2010, under Rants

So have you heard about this shit? This is what happens when I stop posting for a couple of weeks. We’re talking about a group of people calling themselves “Juggalos” going around, whilin’ out, lopping heads off with battle axes and bludgeoning people to death with baseball bats. The streets are flowing red with the blood of innocents, and the walls are painted in clown make up. Surely, the end is near.

Intrigued, Douchy Douchebaggerton, Investigative reporter for ABCs news, has launched a full scale investigation. Here are just a few of the facts he has uncovered… (and original video) (continue reading…)

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Seal of Awesomeness: John Dies at the End

by Darian rake on Jan.04, 2010, under Rants

Regular readers of drakegta.com (both of you) remember that we sometimes, occasionally, rarely, give out an award. This award, is an award so prestigious that not one of the Nobel Laureates has ever been cool enough to even qualify for consideration. Let me explain, this award I’m talking about, the only guy in history, up to this point, who might be cool enough to almost qualify for this was Charlie Mopps, the guy who invented beer, and he was disqualified because he didn’t ride a flaming hover-board from the future. This seal is reserved for persons, places, and things, so mind-blowingly, earth-shatteringly, life-changingly, wickedly-awesome that to stand in their presence is be forced to write flowery, melodramatic praises and acclimations on your webpage. Since we already gave one to Jim Beam Red Stag, the only other thing awesome enough to win this award right now is: John Dies at the End by David Wong.

(continue reading…)

Leave a Comment :Book review, David Wong, John Dies at the End, meta, Seal of Awesomeness, soy sauce, Steven Pinkerton more...

OMFG We’re All Gonna Die: Putin our place

by Darian rake on Dec.31, 2009, under Rants

This will be another regular feature here on drakegta.com. We’re calling it: “OMFG We’re All Gonna Die.” The basic premise of “OMFG We’re All Gonna Die” is that we will present you with an interesting news item, and then explain why it’s time to put your head between your legs and kiss your sorry ass good-bye. Like all “regular features” on drakegta.com, it will probably be done once or twice, and we’ll stop doing it, because we don’t actually give a crap anymore. (continue reading…)

Leave a Comment :99942 Apophis, OMFG We're All Gonna Die, Sarah Palin, Vladimir Putin more...

This is why we can’t have nice things

by Darian rake on Dec.15, 2009, under Rants

So I’m trying something new. I joined a social ranting site called WriteBite. I’m posting my rant here, and on WriteBite, and we’ll see what happens. You could go vote for my rant if you wanted.

I work at a hospital, so I get to hear people’s opinions on healthcare reform everyday. I watch the news, I read the articles, I’ve even skimmed some of the proposed legislation. I’m not going to pretend to be an expert, but I would say I’m about as qualified to have an opinion as anyone else; by which I mean, not qualified at all. That’s why I don’t write about this kind of thing, because everyone has diarrhea of the mouth, talking crap that they don’t understand at rapid speed and the last thing I want to do is add noise and confusion to the noise and confusion. (continue reading…)

2 Comments :healthcare, obama, pharmaceuticals, Robert Creamer, Stand Up Straight, tort reform more...

If you knocked your brother down, would you urinate in his mouth?

by Darian rake on Nov.12, 2009, under Rants

So, a teacher in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire is drawing fire for issuing an usual creative writing assignment. Namely, students were asked to respond the question, “If you knocked your brother down, would you urinate in his mouth?” Now, I don’t see what the big hullabaloo is about myself; as far as offensive writing assignments go, I’d rate this five stars, out of one hundred. However, never being one to back down from a challenge, here is my attempt. (continue reading…)

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Yup, David Cross is Still a Dipshit.

by Darian rake on Oct.25, 2009, under Rants

So I’m trying something new. I joined a social ranting site called WriteBite. I’m posting my rant here, and on WriteBite, and we’ll see what happens. You could go vote for my rant if you wanted.

So, a couple of weeks ago I explained how Larry the Cable Guy is a prick, but David Cross is a Dipshit, as it turns out, David Cross is still a dipshit. In his continuing quest to promote his new book, I drink for a reason, ol’ Davy Cross is resorting to bigger and bigger publicity stunts. According to several news sources, David Cross is now bragging about the time he did a bump of coke at a White House Correspondents’ Dinner, in front of the president and a bunch of other people. This is the stupidest publicity stunt that-

Interrupted Again.

(continue reading…)

1 Comment :coke, David Cross, I Drink for a Reason, Larry the Cable Guy, tim allen more...

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