Putin deflects asteroid… …directly into Washington.

Alcoholic creates fantasy world; lives there.

I am totally exhausted with only your readership as life preserver, hanging out at the Aussie Bloggers Forums, just generally being of great concern to my employer, my day is full to overflowing from 4am to I run out of alcohol. I am avoiding recapture. but who cares.

I make a solemn vow if one more person emails me to ask why I haven’t posted today I will start posting pictures of toe fungus, or fecal murals. Go with God, good friends. Until my paycheck dawneth..

Jackson dead; Culkin unavailable for comment.

Paralytic worked fast. Intubation too slow.

Identity thief got loans I couldn’t.

Some not accepted include:

Faith in humanity was severely misplaced.

Internet troll cries self to sleep.

Hieroglyph: Time travel one way only.

Good evening. Allow me to make acquaintances with you. My name is Raphael Michael Jason Cornelius Drakoni of Roseto the third, but you can call me Big Don Drakoni, and nothing else if you know what’s good for you. It would be a shame if I had to show you how we deal with disrespect in the old country. I am a man of pride, and honor, and baseball bat beat downs, let’s not forget the beat downs.

Hello sissy girls, I am El Drako. Tremble in fear, with quivering lower lip, for I will twist you like pretzel, and break your back over my knee cap, like so. I have traveled long distance, and broken many backs along the way, to bring you an extra-large jar full of extra spicy whoopass flavored picante sauce. You like I make you a burrito? Maybe I might, a burrito of pain!

Hey, it’s been a while since you heard from me. I know, I’ve been out like Lottie’s eye for a couple years, but I told you I’d be back when I had time to write again, and I wouldn’t lie to you. So there you have it, all you other sissies can go back into hiding, because the boss is back.