Old Man McDrake, I am a recent convert to the vegan lifestyle, and people keep giving me crap. When I eat with family, they make fun of me. When I eat out in public, all the waiters and cooks look at me funny when I ask for vegan versions of my meals. What kind of advice do you have to for me? Maybe something witty I could tell them?
Vegan in Virginia (continue reading…)

Mr. McDrake, I have a problem, my parents are advancing in age, and it’s about time to put them in a home. Now, my husband and I don’t have a lot of money, and can’t afford such things. I tell my husband that we should just wait for the evadable to happen, and when one of them gets hurt, adult protective services will step in and help. My husband says that isn’t right, he says my parents raised me, and I owe it to them.
Broke in Brooklyn (continue reading…)

Old Man McDrake, you won’t believe this shit. I’m forty-two right, and this forty-eight year-old guy I was dating moved in with me, everything was good for aboot a year. Aboot two months ago, he told me he was leaving me for a younger woman, that was upsetting enough, until I find out that this younger woman is my eighteen year-old daughter, who has recently moved out of my house, and moved in with him. Wait, wait, it gets better, she moved into a flat with him; but she didn’t take her husband and two kids, who all still live with me. I thought maybe this was a joke, or it would only last a couple of weeks, but it been two months, and my daughter still sends me texts about the great sex she’s having with my boyfriend. What the fuck? I mean seriously McDrake, what the hell would you do? I’m thinking aboot taking a hockey stick to the whole lot of them.

Vengeful in Vancouver (continue reading…)

Mr. McDrake, I had an interesting experience, on a recent trip to Carlsbad Caverns, something happened in the hotel. I got up early, and ran down to get the free continental breakfast, and I lined up to get a waffle, because frankly, waffles are the shit. I started a waffle cooking, and before it finished, my five-year-old kid took off running out of the room (the way five-year-olds are known to do.) I chase her down, and by the time I come back, some asshole hipster with a “Bullet for My Valentine” tee-shirt is guarding my waffle and has decided it’s his. So I wait, being the nice guy that I am, and when my waffle finishes, he puts it on a plate for himself, and starts cooking another, also for himself. Him and his hipster girlfriend (in a Ramones shirt) eat about four waffles a piece, guarding the waffle maker so no one else can get any, and then cook about six more waffles that they take with them when they leave. Long story short, I didn’t get a waffle, and I left pissed off and hungry. What would you have done?
Darrian rake (continue reading…)

Old Man Mc Drake, let me ask your professional opinion: Lady Gaga, Would You Hit That? I mean, I think she’s pretty fine looking myself, but I wanted a professional opinion.
Wondering in Washington

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Mr. McDrake, I have a problem. A friend of mine keeps insisting we go vacation with him in his lake house. The problem is his lake house is a collapsing dilapidated run down shack next to a part of the lake that’s infested with bugs. The truth is, it’s a miserable place, and a vacation spent here would actually be a nightmare. I don’t want to offend this guy, What Would Old Man McDrake Do (while) Drunk?
Troubled in Texarkana. (continue reading…)

Mr. McDrake, the most important relationship in my life, with the most amazing woman I have ever met has recently ended. I don’t know what I should do, all my friends tell me that “there are plenty of other fish in the sea,” and I should “just get the fuck over it,” but I find myself alone and hurting. I know it does me no good to dwell on it, but I can’t get over her. I think about her all the time, and everything reminds me of her. I am not some crybaby emo kid, I am just seriously hurting here, some people are suggesting I see a professional, what should I do? – Alone in Alabama (continue reading…)

Dearest McDrake, I have a slight problem. I have been dating this blond bird for several months and we have recently moved into the same flat. She is smokin hot right, but she never dresses as she should. Last week, we were supposed to meet my parents for the first time, but she insisted on wearing a spaghetti strap top with no bra and a short skirt with no underwear. I told her this wasn’t appropriate attire to wear when meeting my parents, this started a fight, and we ended up not going. I don’t know what to do, she dresses like this everywhere she goes. – Embarrassed in Essex (continue reading…)

You know what we’ve been missing here at drakegta.com? Talent, well, talent, and an advice columnist. So in order to fill this gap, we have recruited the most sought after advise columnist on the face of the earth, a man sought after by authorities in twenty-eight states and four municipalities, Old Man McDrake. Old Man McDrake is a wise and wizened old man, full of wisdom. Because we realize that the vast majority of people are mindless sheep, who can’t make decisions for themselves, we now offer that service for you.

Old Man McDrake will be doing our new columns, “AOMM: Ask Old Man McDrake” “WWOMMDD?: What Would Old Man McDrake Do (while) Drunk?“, and “WYHT?: Would You Hit That?”

If you have an inquiry for Old Man McDrake, feel free ask in the comments, or to drop us a line.