So, a teacher in Wolfeboro, New Hampshire is drawing fire for issuing an usual creative writing assignment. Namely, students were asked to respond the question, “If you knocked your brother down, would you urinate in his mouth?” Now, I don’t see what the big hullabaloo is about myself; as far as offensive writing assignments go, I’d rate this five stars, out of one hundred. However, never being one to back down from a challenge, here is my attempt.

Darian rake
Writing Assignment #1
11-11-09

Question: If you knocked your brother down, would you urinate in his mouth?

Answer: The above listed query presents an interesting and complex set of moral, ethical, and legal implications. While the act of micturition is a fascinating subject of social and biological research, the moral considerations of voiding are far more entertaining. The act of pissing into the mouth of another human being is a time honored tradition of the bourgeoisie class, the act is normally considered to be symbolic in nature, and is rarely encountered in true literal form.

In the wild, frat daddies (Homo douchebagus) often engage in a homoerotic mating ritual known as “Golden Showering.” Frequently, a member of the frat pack will pass out after engaging in competitive imbibement activities, the other tribe members will ritualistically urinate on the sleeping frat member, “in a totally non-gay way.” Studies suggest, that for many frat members, golden showers are the only showers of which they partake. While most human beings judge this act to be queer as fuck, members of the sub-species H. douchebagus consider this act to be “so fucking cash.”

I believe that the decision to urinate in one’s brother’s mouth, is matter of personal choice. As for my personal choice, I would say that would be dependent on multiple factors, primarily “How bad do I have to piss right now?” Yadda-yadda-yadda, something about Obama; I hate my life.