iReport.com, lowering the journalistic standard to bold new levels

by Darian rake on Aug.05, 2009, under Rants

So, it haven’t done a classic ‘rant’ in a while. The major reason for that is I’ve been pretty mellowed out the last few years, and nothing seems to piss me off that much. (The Drake Abides.) That is, until today. I often choose to peruse the news (triple rhyme score +15), and today I ran across an interesting article called: “Alumna sues college because she hasn’t found a job.” Now I’m not going to lie, I clicked the article thinking: “Hell, if that works I’m getting a degree in underwater basket weaving.”

Anyway, the article turned out to be some uninteresting bullshit about a chick who got a vanilla business degree in May, and is pissed because her college’s job placement service hasn’t landed her a dream job yet. The interesting thing to me, was this link at the end of a line, in the middle of the story. iReport.com: “Don’t sue your alma mater”

I’d never heard of iReport.com; I had to find out, is it written by sentient report papers? Is it like I Robot, except you’ll only get paper cuts? Is it where you report improper capitalization in website names? Is it a new over-priced apple product?

So I clicked the link, it turns out, that it’s none of the above. I’m greeted with a video of Hippy McNeedsToShave (Internet name: David Seamen) giving me his asinine opinion on the subject of Trina Thompson suing her university. Guess what, if I wanted to hear people’s asinine opinions on things, I’d go read blogs, not CNN. Their name is CNN. that’s Central News Network, not Bullshit Asshole’s Opinions About Shit They Know Nothing About (BAOASTKNA). (As a side note, it’s not just CNN, it’s ABC with “i-Caught,” Fox with “uReport,” and MSNBC with “FirstPerson.“)

You know what CNN, way to go, you’ve combined the monotony of AP news rehashes, with the integrity of a Myspace glitter page. Ben Franklin won your freedom of the press, and this is how you repay him? Really, this dude’s name is “David Seaman” and he thinks that a Bachelor of Business Administration (BBA) is a liberal arts degree. No David, the degree in Pot Smoking and Journalism you’re getting for your university is a liberal arts degree. Here’s an idea David, if you can’t find a job after you graduate college, instead of pointing the finger at the government, point it at yourself, and go find a job, you know, waiting tables or something else you’re bullshit journalism degree will qualify you for.

I’m too fat, drunk, and lazy to make a video remix of this guy’s video that ends with “play him off, keyboard cat” so watch this video and just pretend I did okay?

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:CNN, Hippy, Journalism, News, Trina Thompson

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