Sure, Larry the Cable Guy is a prick, but David Cross is a Dipshit

by Darian rake on Oct.07, 2009, under Rants

So today, I had the intense displeasure of listening to a new failed viral video for the David Cross book “I Drink for a Reason.” For those of you who are unfamiliar, David Cross as a comedian/actor most famous for his portrayal of “Dr. Tobias Funke” (The Analrapist) on Arrested Development. For those of you really unfamiliar, Larry the Cable Guy is an unfunny comedian/actor most famous for cursing us with Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector and being a regular on the White Trash Comedy Tour. Anyway, this particular viral video was basically David Cross calling out Larry the Cable Guy.

Now, for those of you with nothing better to do, here is the very long, two part, offending clip…

Now, first off, David Cross is picking on Larry The Cable Guy. Do you realize how much comedic talent it takes to make fun of Larry the Cable Guy? My grandma could make fun of Larry the Cable Guy, and she’s dead. Google once stopped using CAPTCHAs for their registration process, and instead asked users to destroy Larry the Cable Guy in two sentences or less, but they had to stop, because even the shittiest spam bots could defeat it. If comedy were skating, making fun of Larry the Cable Guy would be a trick called “getting on the board.” I’m sorry, a linguistic study of the English language found that its almost impossible to construct a grammatically correct sentence without insulting Larry the Cable Guy. 1000 monkeys randomly banging at keys on typewriters would write 100 billion pages about how much shit Larry the Cable Guy sucks before they wrote a single page of Shakespeare.

Now here’s where I took offense, David. You call out Larry The Cable Guy for his “anti-intellectual” humor. Just as an aside, that’s like calling out Andrew Dice Claw for using foul language, or Bill Cosby for being a white guy pretending to be black. While you’re at it, you might as well accuse Chris Rock of using racial humor and Ellen of playing the rug muncher card. Mr. Cross, I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but you aren’t exactly pushing intellectual humor yourself. You want to see intellectual humor? Go read XKCD, Abstruse Goose, or PhD Comics. Sure, Larry the Cable Guy is pushing anti-intellectual humor, but you’re pushing “faux intellectual humor.” You aren’t writing jokes about the wave–particle duality of single surface plasmon polaritons and postmodern philosophy here David. You’re right, Larry the Cable Guy is playing dumb to entertain some misguided rednecks, the problem is, you’re playing smart to entertain a bunch of dipshit liberal faux intellectuals. At least Larry the Cable Guy understands he doesn’t really fuck his sister, the problem is, you really think you’re a smart guy.

Now don’t get my wrong, most people think they are smart, most people are incorrect; however, David you’re that special breed of asshole that lords it over everyone. Sure, Larry the Cable Guy’s fans might all come to the show to hear racist jokes and talk about the time they saw Elvis at Wal-mart, but David Cross fans come to the show to pretend to be smart by laughing at jokes they pretend are funny and hanging out with fake people they pretend to like, talking about the time they saw Al Gore at a Whole Foods while they were stuffing organic groceries into the back of their Prius.

Fuck you David Cross, you ain’t foolin’ me, you Northside High School art-fag dick, you tried to start controversy by billing yourself as the Jewish-Atheist, and it didn’t work, so you attack the most vulnerable target in comedy, Larry the Cable Guy. You don’t make yourself look tough by beating up retards, and you don’t prove you’re not PC by spouting a bunch of big words at the self-appointed mascot for inbreeding.

:David Cross, I Drink for a Reason, Larry the Cable Guy

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4 Comments for this entry

David Cross Sucks
October 23rd, 2009 on 20:58
Hilarious! Agreed 100% on all points.
flim flam
November 8th, 2009 on 18:42
you’re right. Cross is a dipshit; and I <3 balls.
D.B.
February 3rd, 2010 on 01:27
“it didn’t work, so you attack the most vulnerable target in comedy, Larry the Cable Guy”
You seem to lack basic comprehension skills because you somehow missed the very obvious part where Cross says he’s responding to LTCG’s attack on HIM in his book. Also, listening to Cross, I really don’t hear any “attacking” going on, rather he brings up the points that LTCG makes against him and defends himself against those points. Yes, he uses LTCG’s own words against him, but I fail to see how that can be considered an attack. Once again, Cross not attacking, but defending himself.

” that’s like calling out Andrew Dice Claw for using foul language, or Bill Cosby for being a white guy pretending to be black. While you’re at it, you might as well accuse Chris Rock of using racial humor ” ?? It’s like calling out people for literally doing the things they’re accused of doing? Not sure what point you’re trying to make, unless you’re saying Cross is a white guy pretending to be black or he uses racial humor?

“you’re playing smart to entertain a bunch of dipshit liberal faux intellectuals.” You can “play smart”? Jeez, I wish more people knew that trick. By the way, using the phrase “liberal faux intellectuals” tells me all I need to know about your true beef with David Cross.

“You aren’t writing jokes about the wave–particle duality of single surface plasmon polaritons and postmodern philosophy here David.” Sounds like he must be missing out on a fertile field of jokes.

Yeah, David Cross sucks, trying to generate controversy by starting a phony feud with another dumb celebrity. He should write a vapid blog and namedrop celebrities in order to get a higher google placement and up his page hits.
Darian rake
February 3rd, 2010 on 08:12
Yea that’s it, I’m trying to get a high Google rank for my blog without any ads, that way I can pay more in bandwidth fees.

3 Trackbacks / Pingbacks for this entry

Yup, David Cross is Still a Dipshit. - drakegta.com
October 25th, 2009 on 21:21
[...] a couple of weeks ago I explained how Larry the Cable Guy is a prick, but David Cross is a Dipshit, as it turns out, David Cross is still a dipshit. In his continuing quest to promote his new book, [...]
Tyler calls out DrakeGTA - drakegta.com
December 15th, 2009 on 10:35
[...] The following is a letter I received a while back regarding Darian Rake’s multiple posts on David Cross and my reply. I rarely reply to these type of letters, but I thought this one deserved special [...]
McBeardo’s Midnight Movies » The 100 Most Heinous Cultural Atrocities of the 2000s: #80-61
December 30th, 2009 on 06:16
[...] ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT. Bonus: David Cross anywhere except Mr. Show, the Chipmunks movies, or in a flaming crematorium. Not dead. [...]

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