The Face of a Killer

I am saddened to the point of tears to tell you that two of Mexico’s greatest costume wrestlers, La Parkita and Espectrito Jr. were brutally murdered this week in a Mexico City Hotel Room, by female gangsters. Do not laugh, for this is most serious, la policía claim that a gang of women murdered La Parkita and Espectrito Jr. because they were trying to pay for sex with the hookers, but came up short. I don’t believe this, it obviously doesn’t measure up.

I believe this is a conspiracy, against the Mexican people, to kill two noble Lucha Libres and blame their deaths on noble prostitutes. You cannot fool me la policía, for I am El Drako, and I possess wisdom beyond my understanding. El Drako thinks that they are hiding something, for their lies fall perilously short. El Drako knows this kind of lie would not fly in San Diablo, where the women swoon for all the mighty Lucha Libres, most especially, Los Poquito Lucha Libres. These men had no need of the prostitutes, because they could have had all of the ladies that they wanted, with mojadoa almeja.

I know who did this, it was El Hombre de Macaulay Culkin. That’s right hijo de puta, I know it was you Culkin, mama la pinga.

La Parkita, you will be missed, Enjoy…

La Danza De La Parka

First, let’s look at the facts. They say foul play is not suspected, but I have it on a good source*, that the crime scene was suspiciously clean. Those who found the body, said it was as if it had been diced into tiny pieces with amazing efficiency, almost as if, the killer had a machine specifically designed to chop human remains. They also said, there was not a single drop of red blood found on the white carpet, almost as if the killer was armed with some kind of super shammy.

The Face of a Killer

Does that sound suspicious to you? You might ask, why are the police holding this information back? It’s obvious isn’t it? Vince Offer is SP, and has been fighting the “church” of Scientology for years. In an effort to discredit Vince, who has the dirt on David Miscavige and has joined forces with Anonymous, the church has declared Vince to be “fair game” and has started faking crimes where he is a suspect to make him look bad. First it was the hooker thing, and now, the murder of Billy Mays. Obviously Scientology sent in a very skilled assassin who killed Billy Mays and made it look like Vince Offer did it. But who do we know that’s killing people, and is a Scientologist? Oh snap, and it all comes back around full circle, Macaulay fuckin’ Culkin.

That’s right, Culkin did Billy Mays, you heard it here first.

*By good source, I mean an interview with Alex Jones of prisonplanet.com

First, let’s look at the facts. They say he died of cardiac arrest, but I have it on a good source*, that the crime scene did not indicate a simple heart attack. No, based on the evidence, The King of Pop first tripped over Hot Wheels left on the stairs, then was hit by buckets of paint on strings, and fell to the bottom where he landed on Christmas bulbs, triggering a fan to blow feathers on him and a red hot iron to land on his face.

The Face of a Killer

Does that sound suspicious to you? You might ask, why are the police holding this information back? It’s obvious isn’t it? After Home Alone Part One, Culkin acquired a blood lust, before Part Two Culkin moved to New York and set his sights on bigger things, then the documentary on Culkin’s early life, “The Good Son” came out, exposing him as the psychopath he was. Afraid, Culkin went into hidding while hatching his master plan, using a clone created at the secret military installation under Dulce Mountain, New Mexico, the CIA working with Goodwill subjected a replicate to repetitive torture at Neverland Ranch, so that Culkin could fall out of the radar and complete his Borne Alternative; they called it operation Pagemaster, but we called it 9-11.

That’s right, Culkin did 9-11, you heard it here first.

*By good source, I mean an interview with Alex Jones of prisonplanet.com