Kim Jong Is the Il-ist or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and – Oh Shit We’re All Gonna Die

Darian rake — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 18:05:43 +0000

So we’ve heard a lot about North Korea lately, mostly because Lindsay Lohan hasn’t been driving and seems to have learned the trick to getting out of a limo without showing her love bug. But for those of you who haven’t been following this growing crisis as closely as I have, allow me to present a summery: put your head between your legs and kiss your ass goodbye, because we’re all going to die!


Kim Jong West Bad Photoshop
I want to talk to you about Kim Jong-Il, or, uh, His Ilness, or uh, Ilder, or El Ilderino if you're not into the whole brevity thing. This is the guy who is supposed to bring about the destruction of the world? Seriously, look at him. I've flushed more intimidating wads of Asian food then that. Speaking of his photo, look closely. Notice anything unusual? That's an official North Korea press release photo. It's also an obvious photoshop; I can tell by the pixels, and having seen many shops in my day. It turns out, all recent images of El Ilderino have been photshopped. Why is that? Well, because he's suffered a massive stroke. That's right, the guy who has his finger on the doomsday button, can't wipe his own ass.
Oh Snap!
Furthermore, we're talking about a nation that couldn't build a fucking hotel. Ilder's national symbol, the Ryugyong Hotel has been under construction since 1987, cost the nation of North Korea over $750 million, and has been declared the “worst building on earth.”
Now, I know what you're thinking, “Drake, didn't you just prove your argument invalid?” No, I think the stroke, the napoleon complex, the advancing age, and the realization of his impending mortality, have all teamed up to drive Kim Jon-Iltastica from regular ol' batshit insane, into a level of purple-moonbat-shit insane. This guy has declared that the Korean war is back on, and that the USA is a “hostel combatant.”
All I'm saying, is that I hope the missiles are built by the same people that build North Korean hotels, or we're all fucked.

drakegta.com » Kim Jong-Il

Kim Jong Is the Il-ist or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and – Oh Shit We’re All Gonna Die