So I’m an ol’ school ranter; I’ve been keepin’ the streets on beets from sunup to sundown and stayin’ true to da game since a time when Rob Zombie was culturally relevant. I’ve had my mind on my ranting and my ranting on my mind since long before cats started wanting cheeseburgers. Hardly a day goes by that people don’t write me and say “Drake, you’re so awesome, and cool, and sexy; and you totally aren’t a friendless loser trying to act cool on the Internet, what can I do to be more like you?” Well, with that in mind-

Anyway, here are the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Ranters.

Habit 1: Be Proactive: Principles of Image Macros

This shit is comedy gold.

Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind: Principles of 4 Chan Memes

Yo dawg I heard you like IMA CHARGIN MY CAKE IS A LIE. so we put a milhouse is not a meme in your party van so you can cool story bro while you movin’ with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air. Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu Desu

No one ever gets tired of this shit.

Habit 3: Put First Things First: Principles of Drinking First Thing in the Morning

Never waste a perfectly good day to sobriety. Because drinking makes you awesome, and telling the world that you’re a drunk, is double-plus awesome.

Habit 4: Think Win/Fail/Win: Principles of Pwned

If you get into an argument, insult their mom, and then you Win; which causes whoever you’re arguing with to Fail, which makes it an even bigger Win for you.

Habit 5: Seek First To Understand, Then to be Understood: Principles of TL:DR

Habit 6: Synergize: Principles of Buzzwords.

Habit 7: Sharpen the Axe: Principles of Always Giving Back

Always give back to the ranter community: