Old Man Mc Drake, let me ask your professional opinion: Lady Gaga, Would You Hit That? I mean, I think she’s pretty fine looking myself, but I wanted a professional opinion.
Wondering in Washington

Dear Wondering: I had to think about this, and do some basic research, and the answer I came up with was this: NO. As far as I can tell, Lada Gaga is some form of bizarre space alien, she and Tay Zonday came to Earth on some soft of penis shaped rocket ship, with a whole cache of bizarre alien social diseases. These two both need to go back to Section 9. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m all for banging a chick with wild hair and leather, but I’m worried as soon as I try to motorboat her, those space titties are going to catch on fire and burn my face off. No, if I learned anything from E.T., it’s that, you shouldn’t go near an alien unless you have a biohazard suit on. Well, wait a minute, actually, that sounds kind of kinky.

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